L O S T

I have been silent for a considerable amount of time. Perhaps, residing always at the edge of depression. I often, stand there... glancing over, but remain stalwart in my presence. I will be fine, I tell myself. I will be all right. I search for affirmations that I'm headed in the right direction. I'm kind to others. I try to be less selfish. I hope, and I dream... but I still deny that I deserve what everyone else has. I have resigned myself to thinking that I'm pitching forward into a life of being alone. I don't truly mind it. I have a lot of issues brewing from my childhood. Recent past relationships proved that I don't want a permanent bed partner right now, probably not ever.
In many ways, I am still a child, or child-like. I think that some part of me hesitated, when I was a child. I thought that part of me would have caught up by now... but, it hasn't. There is so much to say, but I am being quite vague this evening. Who is really listening anyway?